Alive today

Something happens in September. I seem to come alive and become able to do things (like most of you humans somehow can do all the time). This September it looked like it wasn’t going to happen (again!) but I finally woke up with a modest amount of normal human energy this morning and really, it felt like Christmas. Actually it felt like Christmas after being locked inside a steel box for a few years. I’ve been sick all week and before that, I was away from home taking care of some family responsibilities so I really can’t recall when I last felt like I was my normal rotten low energy me. So it’s been great to be having a day where I can take a shower, go to the store and buy milk, dump the old sour milk down the drain, schmooze on FB, and send a free copy of my novel out to a writer that I greatly admire.

I even took a walk through the neighborhood I live in. After 17 years, I ought to consider it “my neighborhood” but somehow I’ve never really made a friend here. The people here don’t seem to be any more nasty than any other place I’ve lived. And I’m the freakin nicest person in the world so I have no idea what the problem is.

Walking is very good exercise and I’m going to make an effort to do more of it, because sitting around and eating really is not enough of a workout. Who knows, maybe I’ll be able to get back to a normal weight someday. It seems like a dream but I was actually once 50 pounds lighter and I felt great, even though most people who knew me were horrified to see I wasn’t my usual bloated rundown miserable self, and they were much happier when I failed and started putting the pounds on again. Ice cream tastes great, and if you eat too much of it, it can take years off your life. What’s not to love?

But actually, I’m sick of that cancerous thinking. I loved having a normal waist size and enough energy to actually do stuff. It was only for a few months and I had to become an obsessive fat-gram counting maniac to get there, but God it was sweet. Plus, when I look around my apartment, I can see how many people are willing to take care of me if I’m too sickly to take care of myself. Only one person here, and I’m not sure how willing they are, ’cause it’s me.

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