The Death of a Friend

Miss Tara

As many of you already know, Miss Tara of LDW passed away two weeks ago. I found out just last evening at the weekly tea party chat, an event that was hosted by Miss Tara for the past several years, and is now hosted jointly by Miss Tara and Ms. Natalie. Ms. Natalie shared the sad news with us, that Miss Tara had an infection of the lungs, complications set in and she passed away.

It’s hard for me to express how much Miss Tara means to me. When I first met her in 2006, she encouraged me to sign up for her beauty pageant. I was very cautious at the time and didn’t expect that anyone would understand my style of crossdressing, but she really helped me to trust her, and convinced me that this was a safe and fun thing to do. So I took a risk and it turned out great. Back then they were giving really great prizes for the pageant and I won a $100 gift certificate.

The photo I gave her was this one of me in the little wings, and from that point on, Miss Tara called me her flutterby, or sometimes just ‘little wings.’ Once when she was talking about visiting her family, she spoke about her nieces and she decided I would be her little niece who always would remain 7 years old. That’s why I sometimes called her my Aunty Tara.

She always served a mindboggling amount of sweets and treats at her virtual teaparty chat. If one of the chatters wanted to help out, that was okay, but Miss Tara took pride in actually serving whoever happened to wander in. She always had nachos for one of her regulars (“pothead”) and was careful to avoid mentioning there was shrimp in the hors d’oeuvres when tony d shrimp was in the room (she always called it “water chicken”). She knew I was partial to cheese puffs, although I always said they were for my doll.

She had the amazing ability to carry on six or eight or ten conversations at the same time, a necessary skill when hosting a busy chatroom. Her ability to reply with a lightning fast joke was often astonishing. She was very well read, and could discuss the plotlines of the classics as easily as the story arc of her favorite TV series. If you mentioned an author to her, she could rattle off three or four of her favorite books by that author. I was particularly impressed when she took apart some nutty guy’s argument that crossdressing was forbidden by the Bible.

When LDW started doing radio shows, her show was the one I always looked forward to. She’d always play something by the B-52s when she saw me in the chatroom because she knew they are a favorite of mine. Then a conversation would occur, where we typed in our messages and she would reply over the radio. Often her reply would be muffled by her wonderful laughter .. a laugh that was genuine and full of joy. One night I mentioned an obscure cartoon to her and she sang us the entire theme song.

I really couldn’t afford to call her much, but I was able to send her gifts on her birthday and Christmas. She had a very eclectic and fascinating wishlist. It’s not odd to send gifts to the ladies at LDW, but it was odd when she decided she wanted to send a gift to me! One day in a private chat, she asked for my address to send me a birthday gift. A lovely pink hairband decorated with butterflies arrived shortly later. Then there was a year she set aside a present and labeled it “for my little niece” and it accidentally went to one of her nieces. The Tinker Bell movie was also a gift from her, which is why I did an in-depth review of it here.

Most treasured of her gifts is a handwritten thank you card she mailed early this year. In it, she wrote, I know you don’t see how lovely and special you are, but I do. You are my sweet lil girl niece.

I hope I don’t come off as bragging about these gifts. I only mention them to show her generosity and caring.

At the moment her blog is in “maintenance mode” and I’m not sure what LDW will do with all her wonderful little posts and audios. I hope they will allow her many fans and friends to look them over, now that they are one of the few things left to remember her by.

Last night I had a long chat with my Mistress about this. She knew Miss Tara well, and we are both shocked and saddened by her passing. I’m still trying to wrap my mind around the idea that I won’t be talking to her again, at least not in this life. But she’s with the majority now, being welcomed and shown around her glorious new home. Life is a big illusion. And it always looks like there’s plenty of time. Today, Miss Tara is teaching me that there really isn’t much sand in that hourglass.


8 Responses to “The Death of a Friend”

  1. Miss Reese Says:

    Darling Giselle,
    It is with heavy heart I read your post, my sweet girl, and was deeply saddened to hear of Miss Tara’s passing. She was a special lady in so many ways, and blessed the lives of ALL those she touched. I will remember her fondly, that special time at the beach house, and all our conversations, mostly about how amazing you are, Giselle. I do hope they keep her blog open, so that all who knew and loved her can have that to hold close to their hearts. She was kind beyond measure, and smarter then most anyone I have ever encountered…she left a footprint on my heart, and I know, sweet girl, you will always and forever be her flutterby….
    The next time you see her, you can flutter right up and kiss her soft cheek….and I am sure she will have her net handy to catch you, and hold you close.

    With the utmost love and respect,
    Miss Reese

  2. tee Says:

    Giselle, I am so sad to hear this. Ms Tara was always friendly, sweet and a genuinely nice person. I can only offer you my heartfelt sympathy for your loss. She will always be a part of you.

  3. jemmie Says:

    Giselle, I was stunned to hear the news, and I’m still not sure I’m able to come to terms with the fact that I’ll never have a chance to chat with her again. I’ll never forget the first time I saw her in the chatroom… she came bounding in saying “Jem! You’re outrageous!”, even though she had probably never seen me before. I had no idea why she thought I was outrageous, and then it hit me that she was referring to the Jem cartoon. That was so typical of Miss Tara! She became a very special friend and I’m saddened beyond belief that she’s not here with us any more. I can only imagine how you feel, but as special as she was to me, be comforted by the fact that you held a very special place in her heart. I know because she talked about you to me many times.

    Miss Tara was unique, and I don’t think there will ever be another quite like her. She was fearless and funny, a wonderful writer, and an unbelievably good role player. My times in the chatroom with Miss Tara were some of the funniest moments I’ve experienced since I started coming around. I believe she truly loved participating in our wacky blog stories and wild nights in the chatroom. Dancing with her on her radio show was always a blast, and I can still hear her laughter in my head. I hope I always will. Even though I feel terrible that I wasn’t around to talk with her more in the past few months, and even though I wish I could’ve had a chance to say goodbye, I’m at least happy in the knowledge that I seemed to be able to make her laugh. At least that feels good.

    Well, I’m tearing up and still don’t quite know how to say all that I want to say about her. I’ll write more in my own blog in the next few days, but in the meantime, I had to say something, and I wanted to express my sympathy to you, Her Darling Flutterby.

    Keep your head up Giselle, eventually you will feel a little better… I hope I can say the same for myself.

    Big warm hugs to you,


  4. little giselle Says:

    Thank you. All three of you are dear friends, and your kind words do help.

    Of all the people I know, Miss Tara is probably the last person I expected to leave us, because of her youth and her cheerful positive outlook. Life sure takes some funny turns.

  5. Lady Kate Says:

    I am not sure if you remember me but I was once at LDW and I do remember you and Ms Tara was a wonderful person that touched many……She will be surly missed.I have worked in this world of ours for many years. Tara was one of the few that just loved people for who they are.

    You have no idea how much you callers mean to us.I was forced to leave my callers behind when I left LDW.The part that really made me sad in doing so was the ones that I had shared so much with that just thought I had left them….I am sure you was very special to Ms Tara also
    Thank you so much for your post.

    Lady Kate aka Lady Sassa

  6. Kathie Says:

    Dear Giselle,
    I am Tara’s sister. You describe her so perfectly and I know she felt the same for you. To have someone meet you just where you are in life is such a special thing . I am so happy she was that for you. I miss her so much and I’m so grateful to hear all the kind things she did. She sent little gifts to my children but , would never send a gift in a card. She felt like they needed to know that the card, the words were the gift , when it arrived. She taught me to open my eyes outside my suburbia, to love people for their hearts and minds. We couldn’t ever ask for more than that. She loved you, she spoke adoringly of you.
    Thank you for sharing a little of your time with her , with me.

  7. little giselle Says:

    Lady Kate, of course I remember you! It’s sad how people get separated in this business … Thank you for re-connecting, and best wishes for the new year.

  8. little giselle Says:

    Kathie, you and your family are in my prayers. Thank you for spending some time with us in chat last night. Your sister won’t be forgotten by any of us.

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