This song is by Marti Jones. It’s called “So Lonesome I Could Fly,” from her CD “My Tidy Doily Dream.” You should buy it, and all her CD’s because she is great great great.
Ms. Reese is not some lady I called on the phone sometimes. She is my friend, and even if I never get to speak with her again, she will always be my friend. Sixteen months back we met, and she poured out her heart to me and bound her to me with secrets. She challenged me and demanded from me in a way no one ever did before. She brought joy to this heart, this heart which has mostly been a numb tool to pump blood. For most of my life I have stood in the doorway wondering as reality passed by. I had tried to match my behavior to the image in the mirror, instead of the gender of my soul, and so most of my existence was about holding up a thin cardboard façade that fooled absolutely no one. Everyone knew I hid something, and they usually expected much worse than the reality. So I withdrew deeper and deeper within myself. The façade fell away but I was gone.
Ms. Reese found me, and for some unfathomable reason, cared about me. She never expected me to behave like a grown man — somehow she understood that I was a little girl lost in an overwhelming world.
Now that she has vanished, I can only hope that I gave back to her a little bit of the love and comfort she gave to me. I can only hope my friendship with her over these sixteen months gave her some happiness too. And of course I can hope she will pop back into my life, just as suddenly as she popped out of it, without a word of goodbye. Apparently, the people you meet in life are like billboards you pass on your journey. Or maybe I’m the billboard and they are the ones on the journey, who the hell knows? You don’t have to like life, but you are required to live it. Either that, or withdraw again, but withdrawal has its price. But that is a question of the future … I’m writing about the past now.
Ms. Reese, wherever you are, your kindness will never be forgotten. You will never be forgotten. If nothing ever happens again in my life, or if twenty billion things happen, I will always remember your grace, your joy and your loving heart, which cannot be contrived or counterfeited.