They have positioned themselves throughout the internet and they have been given their marching orders. They are not of this earth. They are a terror cell. They are demon possessed. They live on the internet 24-7, hacking into public opinion polls, burying alternative opinions on Digg, but most of their time is spent flaming the skin and bones off you and me. Join us or be seared to ash right here in front of all your friends, they hiss. We have your family photos, your credit card number, your secret yahoo profile, your even more secret yahoo profile. Be exactly like us or suffer the consequences.
Have you been flamed in the past week or two? I sure have, and so have a whole lot of my close friends, in a few different communites. I’m telling you, the Flaming Effs are out there in force, chucko. Can you hear their titanium boots clomping along? Do you hear them barking and foaming at the mouth as they swarm up your street, chanting something that sounds like civilization itself crashing to the earth? They carry brands they want to burn into your skin … coward, fascist, Nazi, moron, loser – those are the big five, but the one thing they want to brand you with, the one flame they’re dying to flame you with, the brand they use to work themselves into hardcore arousal and masturbate over til the sun comes up, is INSANE.
YOU are INSANE! you loser fascist nazi coward moron! they shriek. Only INSANE peeples disagree with us! Therefore we have proved it, you are INSANE!
Have you received this email lately? Check your inbox. Or are you too busy applying burn creme to a friend? Or to all your friends, in a massive cream applying orgy? Or have all your friends drifted off your forum, too burnt to carry on? How do you run your forum? Have you tried booting all the flaming effs … and do they come back with a new name?
I know, I know … I’m overreacting. Too sensitive for my own good. Need to toughen up more. Yeah, that’s what this world needs, more toughened up people. More insensitivity, yeah that’s the ticket.