Forums come and forums go. Sometimes we find a good one and we pour our hearts out there.
Sissy School has a great forum where you can get advice and get to know the Mistresses.
I decided to post a few of my forum messages from Sissy School over here. There are a few that are worth reading more than once.
This is a post I wrote for Valentine’s Day (click the link to see it with the original formatting and responses).
How do you thank someone who is taking you from crayons to perfume?
I need to reveal a little bit of my past history in order to get to the main point of my message. I’ll try to be as brief as possible with this prelude:
For about 17 years or so, little giselle was going from one doctor to the next, trying to get relief for chronic depression. Everything in her life looked like it was made of gray cardboard. An optimist at heart, she believed a promising writing career was ahead of her but when the depression gripped her soul she felt she had nothing to write down, nothing to say to anyone. Many experts and counselors were visited, many meds prescribed, many thousands of dollars spent.
After her marriage failed, she became a stranger to her friends, quit her job, spent months hidden away in her apartment, living on pizza delivery and crummy chinese food. Eventually little giselle ran out of money and hope and severed ties with her psychiatrist. A few years followed where she took no medication at all. Her mood was about the same as when she was on meds, meaning that she felt like she was carrying a corpse around with her wherever she went.
Somewhere along the line she stumbled upon Sissy School and joined the forum. She lurked, read a few messages, gazed longingly at the Mistresses, but never connected with anyone here.
My biggest love in life is dressing like a little girl, and I made friends with some adult little girls and became part of a special community. I found joy on the crossdressing weekends I attended. But the rest of my year was filled with nothing but gray cardboard days.
Then one day (2-2-06 to be exact), I stumbled back to Sissy School to see that a chatroom was there. In the chatroom I chanced to meet Ms. Ally and Ms. Madison and a few of the other Mistresses. I wasn’t sure what to expect. I was courteous and respectful to the Mistresses, and to my surprise, the Mistresses were courteous and respectful right back to me.
Although i had written almost nothing in many years, I believed I could write a few audio scripts for the Mistresses, and Ms. Ally encouraged me to try that. Ms. Madison told me that Sissy School was having a beauty pageant, and she encouraged me to send in a photo.
In my gray cardboard world, no one had encouraged me to do much of anything except get out of the way. It was a revelation to suddenly have these beautiful strong-hearted women taking an interest in my development.
Ms. Cassandra was so effusive in her praise of my photos that I knew I had to enter the pageant. My fears of posting my photo on the internet seemed to fall away, as I basked in a small bit of Ms. Cassandra’s courage and strength.
I was inspired by one of Ms. Ally’s audios to try pantyliners, and it took courage to walk into my local grocery store and put them in my basket and let the lady at the register see what I was buying. She must know I’m a single male, judging from all the ice cream and cookies and massive amounts of kleenex that I usually buy. But this time I was buying apples, carrots, salad, bananas, and Always ultra thins. Again, the fear fell away and I took a brave sissy step forward, and now I can wear pantyliners. So I really am ‘the one with the little wings.’
When Ms. Ally read the script I wrote for her, she showered me with praise, and my soul sang, and the world suddenly didn’t look like gray cardboard. Maybe the spark in me wasn’t dead. Maybe I could still write.
This post is my valentine day gift to all the Mistresses at Sissy School. Thank you, Ms. Ally, Ms. Cassandra, Ms. Reese, Ms. Madison, Ms. Anya, Ms. Tori, Ms. Tara, Ms. Adele, Ms. Dallas, Ms. Tia, Ms. Scarlet, Ms. Stephanie, Ms. Grace, Ms. Tessa, Ms. Ashley, Ms. Cecilia, Ms. Trish, Ms. Eve, Ms. Hannah, Ms. Audrey, Ms. Prudence, Ms. Lilah, Ms. Cashmere, and any other Mistress I might have foolishly excluded. I curtsey happily for each and everyone of you, knowing I was once a little worm who dried up and was thought dead. Now the little dried up worm is hatching from her cocoon, and a little winged one is emerging.
Happy St. Valentine’s day from a devoted and very grateful pupil.
About a week later, I wrote this account of a shopping trip I did with a friend:
Ms. Reese assigned that all her sissy students attending her Saturday class in the sissy school chatroom, must buy the Maybelline kitten trio eyeshadows by 2/25. I went out to buy them, and some other cosmetics she recommended for me. I didn’t find the kitten trio yet, but I sure had fun looking! 🙂
I went with a female friend named Emily. She knows I’m learning about make-up and she understands my nervousness. Shopping with a girl really helped me feel more normal. I am the sort of person who gets really spooked and unhappy if I get a strange look from someone – so shopping alone can be very nervewracking. Emily really made it possible for me to do this.
First we went to a cosmetic discount store called Ulta. They had some Maybelline trios, but not the kitten trio. I bought:
Bonne Bell clear lip gloss
Milani lip gloss in a sparkling pink color called ‘innocent’
Rimmel lip liner pencil in a dark pink color called ‘eastend snob’
Maybelline Expertwear eyeliner pencil ‘ebony black’
Ponds cold cream
a red elastic hairband, and a red and black plastic hairband that looks like Judy Jetson would like it
The lady at the register asked me if I wanted their discount card, so I said yes and filled out the form and had my choice of a free gift. I picked a nice big pink bag that normally just goes to buyers of JLo Love at First Glo products. It has a cute trim with hearts all over it! Nice and roomy, and it has five pockets on the outside.
We went into Macys to the Clinique counter, but the area was pretty crowded and the saleslady in the white jacket had her hands full dealing with all the customers. Both of us were a little shy, so we just tried out a bit of hand lotion and looked at some of the different colors. I want to spend a little more time at the Clinique website so I don’t get talked into buying the wrong product. Emily suggested I get a makeover but I wasn’t ready for that yet. She mentioned that she knows a friend who would give me a makeover in private, if we set up an appointment.
Later we went into the Body Shop. The saleslady at the entrance spoke to me about some hair product you massage into your hair to keep it clean between shampoos. I was a little surprised she didn’t spend all her attention on Emily, and assume I was just ‘the man’ being dragged along. She let me smell the product, but the scent was a little too subtle for me, or maybe my nose was too nervous. I thanked her for her help.
Emily kept spraying different sprays on her hands to test out each one. She wanted to spray this sweet pea body spray on me, but I didn’t want to look too eager, after all the store was packed. They had some Burt’s Bees lip balm in the tin, so I bought that, and Emily bought all these lovely sweet pea lotions and sprays. They have this wonderful product called shimmer lotion – it makes your skin sparkly! I was brave enough to rub a bit of that into my palms – very pretty.
We went into a few clothing stores, but I didn’t buy any clothing for myself, just gave Emily my opinions on some of the nice things she found. There was this bright orange skirt that caught my eye, and it was only four dollars, but I had no idea what top it could go with, and it looked like a color you could only wear on Halloween, so I passed on it.
At a kiosk in the mall I found two more pretty hairbands that I absolutely could not leave behind. One is a sheer red fabric with daisies embroidered on it and little red rhinestones in the center of each daisy. The other is a band of violet lace with multicolored fabric daisies and beads attached.
We also went to Build a Bear, where Emily bought the cutest white teddybear and picked out a green celtic stepdancer dress and red wig. We were like two little girls, picking out the bear’s name (Cathleen) and getting her birth certificate and all.
We looked in a nearby drugstore for the kitten trio but they had some other kind of Maybelline trio instead … I hope I can find the kitten trio soon!
When I was saying goodbye, Emily gave me a bottle of the sweet pea shimmer lotion she had bought, and then sprayed some of the body spray on my wrists, right before I left to get on the train. It took about 2 1/2 hours to get home. If anyone noticed how flowery I smelled, they didn’t let on.
Ms. Reese, I owe a lot of the fun I had yesterday to your guidance and encouragement. Thank you for all your patient instruction. I will do my very best to make you proud of me.
One more for now … I’ll post more of these later …
Last night I phoned Mistress Reese. I was nervous and fearful at the time but she immediately helped me to relax and feel safe and protected by her. Before calling I had asked what I could do to make her happy, and she instructed me: put on your MOST favorite outfit….a little extra lipgloss….and smile and twirl in front of the mirror…saying over and over how pretty you are
It was a simple little assignment which I gleefully rushed to do. What joy it gave me, to twirl around in my favorite dress!
The reason she said “extra” lipgloss is because she had already told me to make up my face for her every day, so she knew I already had on my cosmetics. Some days I make myself up feeling like a submissive male doing what I’m told to do, and the results aren’t as pretty. Other days I feel some of the zeal and fun that I imagine a teen girl feels when playing at the makeup table. Then I look better, and have a lot more fun.
I did have to admit a rather embarrassing thing to her. When I bought some body spray yesterday I misled the salesgirl into thinking the body spray was for someone else, not for me. Mistress Reese immediately gave me an assignment that will teach me to be more truthful in the future. It will cause me to do a little blushing, but I told her I wanted to do it for her and that I would do whatever she wanted. She said, you’re a very good girl, giselle.
Ms. Reese, you are teaching me so many wonderful things about myself. Thank you for lifting me up, even when I’m feeling frightened and unhappy and needy. You told me you are proud of me, and I promise to keep doing all I can so you will always be proud of me.